Life has an interesting way of asking us a simple question over and over again:
What is worth fighting for?
Some people answer by letting go. Others answer by showing up one more time. I know we've already had this conversation, and I know how it ended. But I'd rather risk hearing "no" again than to spend years wondering what might have happened had I not remained silent. And this isn't because I struggle to accept reality, but because I've never wanted to look back on my life wondering whether I gave something truly meaningful everything I had. That's why I'm here.
Before I ask anything of you, there are things I owe you. The truth. Absolutely no excuses. I made choices that brought us here. I didn't always communicate the way I should have. There were moments where my actions failed to match the love I carried for you. There were moments where you deserved more presence, more understanding and more emotional honesty than I gave. Those failures belong to me. They always will.
People often say that time changes us. I've never fully believed that. Time alone changes very little. What time does is that it reveals who is willing to confront themselves, and real growth begins the moment pride becomes less important than truth. These past 2 months have forced me to meet parts of myself I had ignored for far too long. They weren't comfortable conversations, but they were necessary ones. I've also been realizing more that love isn't sustained by emotion alone. Feelings intensify. Feelings fade. I've grown to realize that real love is a choice you continue making on the days when making that choice feels hardest. And through everything that's happened, YOU are still the person I want to make that choice for, every single day.
You might wonder why I'd return after we've already had this conversation. Some people leave a mark in your life that's too significant to walk away from after only one attempt. Not because they owe you another chance, oh no. People like this deserve to know just how deeply they mattered, that's it. isiZulu siyasho ukuthi kungcono uk'hluleka uzamile kunokuthi uhluleke ungazamanga.
I'm not asking you to erase the past. I'm not asking you to forget the hurt. I'm not asking for blind trust. Something like trust, something that is earned patiently and consistently, isn't given because someone asks for it. If there is ever another chapter for us, I don't expect it to begin where the last one ended. I'd happily start from the very first page again. Learning each other, understanding each other, choosing each other, one day at a time.
Most of life is lived in questions, questions only courage can answer. So this isn't me asking you for forever. Think of it as me asking whether one conversation is still possible. If it is, and if your heart is open to it, I'd love to take you out for lunch on the 17th of July. Whether your answer is yes or whether it isn't, thank you for everything, for every version of me that existed because I had the privilege of loving you. Some people enter our lives and teach us what love feels like. Others teach us what it demands. Here you are, being able to shoot 2 birds with 1 stone. You'll always carry a special place in my heart MaConco.